Blog Comments

A bit late but wishing you the very best. x

She sounds like a clever lady. Willing you on xxx

‘peep through the keyhole’ and don’t start hammering down doors ....

That sounds good Karen. Glad you are able to make the most of the opportunity that is there for you at this moment of your life. Wishing you well.

Love Helen

Hi Kaz, I think having the anniversary on the same day just makes the memories sharper. Loved listening to Ella Fitzgerald - also relevant for me, 30 years tomorrow since I lost my Dad! And some days it just seems like yesterday.

As you say I'm sure your Dad is willing you on... xx

It’s not fumbled at all Helen. I really have appreciated lots of different advice and encouragement coming in from lots of different directions ..... part of the problem is having time to think about yourself? It’s not something that comes easy after years of burying it when you are too concerned about looking after others?:(

I’m beating myself – people are going through far worse trauma than me right now ..... but if I can find my self-preservation button again and know when it needs hitting ..... before the ’Flying off the handle button’, :o the ‘Can’t cope, won’t cope button’ :o then the world is going to be a better place for me again – and everyone around me? :)

Thank you, Kaz, x

Hi Karen,

But – big BUT – I really love the therapist .... subconscious kicking in telling me I am fearing another loss if the ‘end’ comes before I am ready? Is it better for me to take control and walk away? (Not expecting any answers!) Or Lordy – when I start tying myself in knots I really know how to do it!

You might find it really beneficial to share this at your next session because 'loss' and 'fear of loss' is bound to be a big factor which can't be bypassed. And also the bigger picture of the NHS can be representative of an earlier powerlessness that we now may rail against (because we can).

Try to keep going. This is my fumbled attempt to encourage you

Love

Thanks Helen. Agreed, in essence it has created yet another anxiety!!!! And of course, an element of not being in control – when getting back in control of life is a key target!!!!! Being confident change can occur within 12 sessions is one thing – to feel like ‘That’s all you get’ and might be left ‘hanging’ is another matter. Talk about a one-size-fits-all NHS! Humph ...:mad: need to think contingency ... but then the continuity of the therapeutic relationship is so important? Really am at the point today, I almost wish I’d never started this ..... and you’re right – had I known up front – when I was first referred – I probably wouldn’t have taken this route.

Let’s hope I am thinking otherwise in a few weeks time?

But – big BUT – I really love the therapist .... subconscious kicking in telling me I am fearing another loss if the ‘end’ comes before I am ready? Is it better for me to take control and walk away? (Not expecting any answers!) Or Lordy – when I start tying myself in knots I really know how to do it!:eek::rolleyes:

Kaz, x

Morning Karen,

Unfortunately it seems so common now that people are only offered short term therapy (12 weeks is short term). This is very suitable for some situations but not suitable for anything very complex. I do feel that you ought to have been told this boundary at the very beginning as this information can very much influence what we share consciously and unconsciously. I hope you get a chance to explore with the therapist your feelings about this which can be quite scary in itself.

Love and best wishes

You know Kaz, I would have done the same! Someone has to have the courage to speak out!! xx

So glad you have an excellent therapist.... temperatures may be dropping, but the tortoise was still sunning herself on the patio today ... and of course Shiraz warms you up inside...

Hang on in there Kaz, you know it's the best thing you've done for a long while xxxxxxxxxx

Tender Face,

It's almost the season for hibernating, so you'll be in good company, all conserving energy together.

Butterflies do it; ladybirds do it; even some rattlesnakes do it (!!!).

Just beware of the rattlesnakes and make sure you don't let your body temperature go too low.

I'm not suggesting you start slurping anti-freeze - oh no, a large pond of Shiraz :):cool:will do you far more good than anti-freeze!!!!

Get on with your homework!

Take a hand.

xx

Hi,just wanted to say good luck with your counselling.

I'll be thinking of you.x

JPG1 – just wanted to say thank you for your support and encouragement. :)

Have had a couple of really good days feeling ‘proud of myself’ (nothing wrong with a bit of self-esteem?) and am now hurtling towards Tuesday again feeling worried, sleepless (hey ho – no difference there then?) and wondering if I am going to go into that ‘vacuum’ again for a few days .... planned some things for this week to try stop myself hurtling back under the duvet when that’s really all I want to do ... but I don’t give up without a fight ..:rolleyes: ... resilience ... born with it .... or learnt the only person who was ever gonna look after me was [U]me [/U].....:cool: see, it’s working already!:)

Much love and thanks JPG1 and others who have offered support ... there will be much I can’t share or is not appropriate to share on TP but I am dogged-determined mum having dementia is NOT the thing that finally crucifies me! Phew – that was brave – hope I feel the same come Wednesday???!!!!

[QUOTE]Confused, but determined.[/QUOTE]

That sounds so very familiar.

Not only familiar in my own 'me', but it brings back memories of my own confused but more-determined-than-ever lovely little person! Who was also scared, but she knew there was more to it than anything that was within her grasp. For the first time in her 80 years, she was confused, but just as she had been in her 80 years BD (=Before Dementia) she was so determined.

Confused but determined. CBD. Maybe another abbreviation of importance.

Is that what dementia and the aftermath of dementia (AD) is all about for some of us? Not for everyone, but for some.

Hold on! Stay determined. Confused? Well, that's something else - :confused::cool:

I can so relate to your blog,it could have been me writing it.

Just wanted to say i'm thinking of you.x

It is indeed a strength, dear Kaz, not a weakness. You will get through, painful though it is and will continue to be. You will get through and find your level playing field and it's no more than you deserve. Good luck honeybun, you know we are rooting for you xxx

Karen - while you may have not taken this specific path before, you've done the therapy thing before as have I, so I'll take the liberty of reminding you that these feeling are entirely to be expected: it's a little like having all your feelings taken out in this enormous raveled ball and then you are confronted by this tangle that at some point you need to sort out. Don't forget though, that there is absolutely no time pressure to do this sorting. And, in my experience, it gets worse before it gets better. And it does get better even if the process is painful.

Take care sweetie.

Tender Face,

I don’t wish to intrude into your Blog, so delete this comment if it suits. (Yes, I am presuming you’ve set your Blog settings to accept or deny, to approve or to disapprove ....)

What is wrong with self-preservation? If you c.b.a. to do it, who else will?

If you haven't done so, please find a moment to watch the Chile Miners Rescue on TV. It is helping me to put certain life-experiences into perspective. It is helping me at the moment; no guarantee that it will help me tomorrow, but that's beside the point. I look at the cage that hauls each of them from down to up, and (claustrophobia apart!!) if it is the only way, then it’s the only way. Take comfort from whatever cage is made available to you.

And you know it will get better and it will also be worth it.

You knew it would happen. So you may also find the gentle distractions that you thought about then, when you worked out that it would happen. No, I’m not saying that I’ve worked out my own ‘cage’ yet; and I’m still working on distractions too. One distraction was working fine, until a jerk in a big red Jag blew it out on Sunday. Today, Wednesday, my Wendy has just blown the jerk out ... so my distraction has been put together again. By Wendy.

But a cage is looking enormously welcoming at present (for many many many reasons) to winch me up from down. And the number 33 has always been a special number for me, long before those 33 Chilean miners were trapped.

I'm trapped; you're trapped; we're trapped.

They were trapped; they have been rescued.

Now there's a thought .... winch me up from down.