Blog Comments

Thanks Katherine, i value your reply. lolx

Just to say continue embracing those positive moments and any laughter. I can remember moments of laughter but struggle to remember the reasons why now. Also photos are so special of those happier moments. Yes they make me cry sometimes but are in invaluable, even little video clips. Take care Katheirne x

Thank you for the advice hun will take on board and act on it, thanks so much again. xx

You know it, your family know it, your mum knows it...she needs security. However long it takes for your dad's condition to be sorted or whatever the future holds for him the fact remains that your mum deserves her name on the deeds. Regardless of your father's inability to think about it or discuss it. Obviously, I am a stranger so have no idea of the history of why this has not been done before. Perhaps he has promised to leave it for other children from another marriage. Whatever the reason must be discussed by the family. It is time to get tough and get real to fight for your mum, who although upset may simply leave things as they are rather than force the issue or force an arguement. It is no use waiting to see if things get better. This needs dealing with immediately. Get professional advice, including a solicitor who can arrange things. I am not sure where the law on assets sits. For example if a parent gives a home away before they die or become reliant on the state it is still the case that the value of the home can be taken into account unless either 6 or 7 years has elapsed. Before that time it is deemed to be given away to avoid tax/contributions towards care. Sorry I am unable to tell you if it is 6 or 7 but a solicitor would tell you..or the health authorities I guess. However, your mum is your dad's partner so I am not sure if this is treated differently. Look into this quickly and speak to your father strongly, as a family. He perhaps does not realize the implications nor does he want to accept he is ill or may be ill again. The facts still are the facts and you must stress this to him. If he won't listen to your mum he may listen to you. Your mum needs your help and protection.

Thank you so much for your kind words.
I'm sure you too are a wonderful Daughter to your parents through your fathers illness till his passing and now again through your Mothers i'm sorry you have to go through it twice.
Kind regards and Best wishes. x

We planned to have mum and dad live near to us and it did work out so well. However, dad had a stroke which left him paralysed and speechless for 7 years. Mum looked after him until he died and we then planned for mum to live with us. The extension we had planned for dad and mum never happened because not only did dad die but mum developed Alzheimers whilst looking after him. She now lives with us and that has proved the best plan after all.
Your mum and dad are lucky to have such a caring daughter and you will do what is right when the time is right. Good luck.

Dad is really suprising us all on his recovery it seems to make his memory loss not so apparent somehow but it is still there.

Sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope you will keep us informed how things are (maybe on the main Forum ).

Take care

Hi Rosaliesal, When i visited Mum and dad yesterday, my mum mentioned about my dads clothing habits. My Dad is also putting dirty clothing away in his wardrobe too!

Thanks Rosaliesal, It has been mostly hard for my Mum not to argue/correct my Dad, I know this is very important not to. Mum is going through some very hard emotions right now. Her husband is fast being taken away from her. She is becoming very berieft. I have advised her that she should seek counsiling and i would be happy to attend with her if she would like.

I have had years of experience looking after my mother, 6 of those in my own home. I tried to go it alone for her sake so as not to get involved with people pointing out to her she has Alzheimers. After 6 years when at virtual breaking point I got help. The day care centre has changed our lives. Mum enjoyes her "Club" meeting and playing games with others who enjoy seeing her. The staff are truly wonderful to all of them. She comes home happy. My husband and I go out for walks in the forest, on beaches, or around the markets in various towns. We now have a life and I make a happier carer. The best advice I was given was to look for a care home well before it is needed. Going for day care means they know mums abilities and personality and she knows them and likes them. If the day comes that she needs to live there then she will be happy amongst them as they are part of her life now. The second best bit of advice was never argue with someone who has Alzheimers, try to keep them happy and calm even if it means telling a lie. Mum goes to the club happy but would not be so happy to go if she thought it was for medical or mental problems.

Make the best of every moment and be happy that your dad is unaware because he is happy. Even when he mentions a confusion it will go away until the next one...forgetting the first. Some people like to know they have a problem whereas my mum refused and got angry and upset to be told she had a problem. I make excuses for her or simply do not mention her errors so she frequently says she has a very happy life. Yet today I found that more of mum has gone when I looked in her underwear draw and found she had stuffed the clothes intended for washing under the clean undewear.Until this week she has always liked to do wash her smalls in the bathroom. She is blissfully unaware and smiling at me.

Hi dizzydeb,

Welcome to Talking Point (TP).

Most people use blogs to keep a sort of online diary and don't expect much in the way of comments.

The more interactive bits of TP are the message boards or 'forums'. You might want to also make a post on the Support forum:

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=25

You should be able to just highlight and copy your blog text and then start a new thread in the support area and paste your text into the composition window.

I'm sure that many members will be be able to relate to the issues with your mother, but you'll get more replies in the Support Forum.

You might also want to look at the Factsheets section of the main Alzheimer's Society's website, they are a great introduction to the many aspects of living with dementia:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheets

Take care,

Sandy